Blood and Guts

Today is my dad's birthday!!! As a celebration we went to the movies- being his birthday and all, us girls decided that it would be okay to see Rambo (Im a fan of Rocky- Rambocouldn't be too bad- plus I think Sly is some what attractive). my brother and sis- in-law met us at the theater, and $50 dollars later we were ready to roll. The movie starts with footage of a civil war in Burma... the images shown are so disturbing that I put my popcorn down. After the death of 100's of people- one being an infant thrown into a burning building- I left. I took my 12 year old sister by the hand and told my mom to call us when the movie was over.

I normally like movies- in general- I mean like my music taste I am all over the place. I like Rad and Young Guns, west Side Story and Boyz In Da Hood. But Rambo wasn't for me- at all. My mom swears that the older Rambo's arnt as bad and honestly I don't remember them. But the 30 minutes that I sat through this one will haunt me forever. I don't know if its just me lately but I have found myself giving up on a few movies recently, and it took me untill tonight to figure out wha it was- I'm scared.

I will watch any scary movie about monsters, ghosts or even animals- but when it comes to scary people... Im done. I can't understand why exactly why some people are simply evil. to want to hurt somebody, to get joy from it, to love it and long for it... it drives me nuts. I was watching Hostile 2 and Saw 2 (or 3 who cares) and I was mortified at what one human was doing to another human... like yikes dude lay off!!! and in Hostile people were paying huge sums of money in order to torture girls and kill them- for fun!!! Are you serious!!! They even had a fraking club with tatoos!!! How freaky can you get.

tell me what you think guys cuz I wanna know... these people are real people! They walk the same ground you do they could even be following you and heck they maay even read this blog...
~Nicole

God is Good

A lot has happened over the last few weeks since I’ve written. I failed my math class, again, but managed a 3.0 through the rest of the semester with only 1 B and that was in History. I got a 100% in my Child development class- like the whole class meaning I was perfect in everything I said and did… and as good as all of this is, I still can’t be enrolled in the math 10 class for next semester since I haven’t passed this one yet. I have decided that I’m Not going to tell my mom about my grade and I’m just going to handle it myself… for selfish reasons of course not maturity and independence. Now I need to retake the placement tests and place into math 10, I feel confident doing it… I just hope that it all goes my way. The other thing that Im writing about is the yahoo DSL that is arriving at my house tomorrow. Last time we did this it didn’t work too well, or at all. In my moments of peace and despair I prayed to God, I asked God to please help me to pass this test and handle it well, and to please let the DSL project run smoothly. And not that im a disbeliver, but I do like any reassurance I can get so I opened my bible and said God. Please give me some guidance and a sign here. And you know what the first verse I saw said? “ I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him” (1Samuel 1:27). GOD is GOOD!!!

A Sick Little Suicide

I have two cousins that are my age (that I claim… long story), anyway I have been best friends with one of them since forever, but within the last few years we have fallen apart… he literally lives 14 seconds away, and only 3 doors separated us for years, but now its like the wall of China is plopped downs between us, so now matter how close we physically got, we were mentally miles apart.
Its bugged me because I still wanted to be kids and play my childish games, naming the stars, building forts and watching the Never Ending Story numerous times in a row. But he grew up and got popular and started driving and going to parties, being the person I desperately wanted to be… and somehow I didn’t fit into his little club. We never went to the same school, and I wish we had, at school I was a totally different person, not putting on a show for our parents… I could be the person I was when we just hung out- the person that was worth while to hang out with… but it didn’t workout that way…
Anyways, he came over today out of the blue and we just kida hung out. We sat in his car and just talked-oh and smoked some weird Indian weed. It wasn’t actually peer pressure, and he even said that, but when he offered me some, I didn’t refuse, and I think its because I am so done letting him be the cool bad boy in the family… I can smoke too you know I can drink and party… why should he get all the fun while I sit at home all the time… I’m done with it.
Supposedly he is bringing a bag of weed to me tomorrow, I don’t think he will but I hope he does… at the same time though I cant help but mention that if he doesn’t, I won’t smoke a joint like ever and if he does… I’m going to get high. What would you do? He has me convinced that we are one in the same. Drug down and miserable because of our families and bored and lonely. But when you smoke you are so happy and you feel good all the time, if that’s true then bring it on, I want to feel happy, really happy.

Shawn Harris:
I’ve come to realize lately that I’ve put Shawn on this pedestal and feel stupid because I have.
I wonder what my friends think about the way I act when I talk about him… I know it would bug me. Can I think less of this guy? I don’t think so L ! He is so wonderful to me… Eric Clapton wonderful.
Curtis Lowe:
“Play me a song Curtis Lowe, Curtis Lowe… the finest picker to ever play the blues.” If you have no clue who Curtis Lowe is, then ask me… I write this kind of thing honestly to see how many people actually know these types of things…
Fergie:
I love how all of Fergie’s hits are all on the same CD. It has London Bridge, Fergolicoius, Glamorous, Big Girls Don’t Cry, and Clumsy on it… it is like wow Ferg, how many singles do you have on your CD… but I am super glad I “bought” it.



Now since Im bored Ill put up some lyrics… if you know them then fire away and send me the tile, artist, or next line.
Lets Start with an easy couple fill in the blanks…

1. “My girl likes to ___________ all the time”
2. “May your _______ fail before your _________ fail you”
3. “______ Red Wine” (If you don’t know this one, don’t even bother attempting any others….
4. “ I‘m as free as a bird … and this bird you cannot chain”
5. “It was back in 99 watching movies all the time when I went away for doing my first crime”
6. “I met this chick, she moved right up the block from me, she got the hotts for me the finest thing I’ve ever seen, but ohh no oh she got a man and a son though oh oh”
7. “Hate is a strong word, but I really really don’t like you”
8. “All that matters to me girl, win or lose in an X rated complete swirl of me and you.”
9. “I’ve got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy you’ll ever meet sweetie you had me…”
10. “ You have so many relationships in this life only 1 or 2 will last, your going through all the pain and strife, your turn your back and they’re gone so fast… so hold on to the ones who really care, in the end they’ll be the only ones there. When you get old and start loosing your hair can you tell me who will still care ohh yeah.”
11. “Say money money won’t get you too far get you too far.
12. “Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time, surely you can take some comfort knowing that you’re mine. Just hold me tight, lay by my side, and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time. I found my place in the world, I could stare at your face for the rest of my days.”
13. “ I don’t like you but love you, seems that I’m always thinking of you. Though you treat me badly, I love you madly.”
14. “ I told you I made dinner plans, for you and me and no one else. That don’t include your crazy friends- oh I’m done, with awkward situations and empty conversations.”

Really written on Nov. 14th

I am sitting in my History class and I am so frigging bored… we are talking about Communism and hey guess what… It doesn’t see all that bad… not that I’m a Commie (so Mc Carthy you better take my name off of your list).
But on another note… I’m upset because I can’t go to the Matches show in December… but I blame the guys for that one. Why would they have a show 3 days before Christmas? I miss Shawn and I really wanted to see him. lol I m not really mad at them tho, ill see them soon enough.

"Don't Worry, I'm Not A Cop"

Okay so hers is the set up, there are 9 of us at Outback for my sister’s 30th birthday dinner. We had seats at 8 but since we didn’t get there until 8:30 we missed our table and had to wait 30 more minutes. After standing around watching a group of old drunk guys fighting over who should drive home after having 3 shots and 3 beers (and yeah they had kids too), we finally got to sit down in the lobby area. So anyway, when I sat down but I guess I was showing some cleavge, no big deal right, well the next thing I know I see one of the drunk guys standing in front of me with a cell phone. So imagine it in your mind me, sitting down with cleavage and this guy standing with his cell phone pointed directly at my chest. Ewww it makes me sick just writing about it. So logically thinking I gave him the benefit of the doubt- he’s trying to get reception, but no no no I look at the screen and see that it says in plain English, camera mode!!! So I stick my hand up and cover his camera lens, and politely say “ excuse me could you stop that please” and he stutters and says back “oh don’t worry, I’m not videoing only you, and shines his camera oh my older sisters. Again I say “well that is pretty rude please go do tat somewhere else.” The guy kept videoing and said oh well I’m looking for good lighting, don’t worry I’m not like that I’m not like that. Oh and by the way, don’t worry, I’m not a cop.” Then he walked away. My big brother comes up to me and everyone in my family is looking at me, and he asks what that guy had said (only my sisters heard and we were all kind of shocked and speechless. Between the 3 of us we got the story out, and with out even waiting to hear the whole thing, my brother charges over to the guy and starts screaming “what the fuck dude. What are you doing filming my little sister!” So here we are, the Rowland -Leon family ready to brawl again. The guy’s friend, who saw every thing and thought that what had happened was all okay, pulled the guy away from my brother while Teresa (my sister) and my mom held my brother back. While the rest of the night was weird, I did feel kind of special because my brother was willing to fight the guy for me. But all in all I think it brought us a little closer (fights always do), and when the night was over, we only had two regrets: that we didn’t get a chance to throw blows and that we didn’t delete the video. I suppose it will wind up on you tube (I think highly of myself) Just kidding.

Im So Fed Up, Dat You Could Call Me "K Fed"

Im not the smartest person in the world, and rarely am I the smartest in the room, but this year I have to tell you… something changed. I am tired of taking these “college” classes and not learning anything what so ever. On top of all that I think I’m actually getting stupider because of them. And I know I use that line all the time but I’m serious this time, I am good at my job, and hearing all the dorks in my class talk about how they would deal with problems that I have been or will be forced with makes me so pissed because they have no idea what they are talking about… here is an example:
Topic: Parents wanting to stay and comfort their crying child at pre school drop off.
Stupid Girl answer: “well wouldn’t it work if we reminded the parent that they need to get to work? I mean we could say “Well you are the one who chose to work and leave your kid with us, so you need to stick to that plan.”
Okay so back to reality… WTF first if that was me and my child I would hit the bitch in the face and take my kid away from there cuz she obviously has some type of mental disability. Who, honestly would blame a parent for wanting to comfort their own child, gee lady maybe the kid is afraid of your stupidity.
So needless to say I spent that hour and a half class silent, I wasn’t going to encourage them, I wanted nothing to do with them. Now here come the conceded Nicole… but seriously, my pride aside, I am super good at teaching these kids. And this is the first time I’ve said this to anyone since I graduated but I want to be a teacher. Like a high school teacher, but not at first, I’m too young, I want to teach sixth grade at Windsor Middle or fourth grade at Brooks. Then move up to high school once I’m married and have a kid, but for stupid reasons (I loved high school so much and if I went to teaching there too soon I might try and relive my high school years).
So do you think I can do it? Can I become a teacher? I have doubts, major doubts. I don’t think any of my dreams will come true. I wonder why… lets play a game… I’m gunna go in my moms room and tell her that I want to teach fourth grade and see what she says. So make guesses now, I say money will come up and massage therapy… what do you think?
I’m nervous, wish me luck. Brb.
Okay so my mom said “Liz (my aunt) thinks it would be good if I was a teacher” then When I said, no what do you think, she said. “I think we don’t have to decide anything this second” So what can I say, she is right. I guess I should wait to decide, but at the same time I need to start looking into schooling and stuff you know… Whatever